you left us… too soon…

I wish I have another day to be with you…  and a chance to say for the last time…

… that I love you and miss you all the time …

… and there is no one else in the whole wide world …

… that had showered us with the kind of love …

… that is impossible for us to forget …

I’ll always break down into tears when I think of you… it’s just hard for me to accept the closure…

twelve years ago today, you left us quietly and peacefully in your sleep… with much precious and beautiful memories…

Al-Fatihah to my beloved mummy, Nadzrah bt Abdullah. my thoughts and prayers are with you…

developing asthma…

 

I’ve been coughing for more than a month now. it started out a dry itchy throat. so I took the cough syrup and even gargling salt water as advised by my dear friend Lanie but it doesn’t work.

my 1st visit to demc was two weeks ago. I was put on the nebs during the visit and was given plenty of meds.

I completed all in a week…

 

two weeks has gone and I’m still coughing.. this time it has turned into a long cough with flem. I’m having difficulty sleeping at night and shortness of breath after the cough. at one time, I thought I’m gonna die when I couldn’t catch my breath.. I even panting after coughing, walking, cooking etc…

so I went on 2nd visit to demc yesterday. they x-ray my chest to see if there’s any lung infection… alhamdulillah.. all clear… so the possibility is that I’m developing asthma symptoms… I was given an inhaler for a week and few meds…

after taking those last night, I sleep well but was awakened with long cough at 5.30 am this morning. took another couple of puff. please… please…  get well ina… insyaAllah…

I’m not surprised coz it runs in the family. my dad is an asthmatic but I’m totally surprised that I’m developing asthma symptoms at this AGE… ??? !!!

time to ponder…

 

it was an emotional ride to work this morning…

what have been said, has been said…

what need to be heard, has been heard…

so it’s time to ponder…

mengaji…

i really cant recall the last time i went for mengaji but definitely way toooo many years ago during my childhood. we had muqaddam before proceed to Al Quran. i managed to recite Al Quran but it was half way before my family moved elsewhere.

mengaji during my time is so different comparing todays… when my kids started mengaji, being so pandai without asking, i bought them a muqaddam book but was told it was a wrong book. they use iqra books now and it seems to be more detailed in every aspects… the tones, the methods on how to recite etc.

so last night began the new journey of mengaji back to basic for my schoolmates and myself. our first lesson was learning to recite Al-Fatihah in a correct tonation verse by verse… each of us were asked to recite it … at that point, i felt i was back in my childhood having the jitters while waiting for my turn…

anyways, it was a very good start and i felt good about it. i hope to be able to recite Al-Quran before it’s too late… InsyaAllah…

reminder for myself on the class:

Date: every wednesday

time: 8.30 pm

Venue: zura’s place

what’s for dinner…???

tak tahuuuuu…

okie… that’s a standard answer i’ll get mostly from shah, adam and adli. aira??.. she’s in diff case situation. di mana ada makanan, di situ la ada aira…

during working days, i’ll prepare either cereal, bread or nasi goreng for breakfast for the kids before they go to school. adli in morning session and adam will have brunch coz he’s in afternoon session. porridge for aira for her stay at daycare center.

for lunch, i’ll prepare at least 2 dishes for adli after school. 

the above are prepared early in the morning before i go to work ye…

when comes to dinner time, it’s always the hardest. since we all eat rice most of the days at lunch, dinner memang tak nak makan nasi dah. so that’s the main reason. one says noodles, one says burger, one says naan cheese, another says anything will do… haiih.. berbagai la pulak.. so apa lagi… beli aje la…

well, another reason is mmg tak sempat nak masak pun. mak balik lambat…

what for dinner tonight..??? hmmm…. (tak nak pikir aaa…)

feelin' frustrated...

why...

... am i not getting a recognition or incentive for the support and contributions given...???

... are you not showing much effort in what you're doing whenever there is a chance to do so... ???

why...???

high and low

shah has been up and down the hills for night riding with his friends and left me drooling over the ride i’m hoping for…

motivation...  high up!!! i even have my own cycling helmet…

                               

starting point… hmmm…

soonnnn…!!!

his… and hers too…

after sinfully (ShaInaNazura) 3rd biggest project so far finally over, i was down with fever, cough and cold plus body aching. well.. still am having the mild coughing and stuffiness.. i just hate it coz my sense of smell and taste are so out of order… i can’t smell when aira poo poo and i can’t taste when i cook… so the stove is also temporarily shut down.. :D

while i was having the breakdowns, shah sms-ed me that he will going for a night cycling with his buddies… huh? when did u buy the wheels? his brother got it for him.. nice.. sharing is caring dear. so it’s his and hers too…

he has been out cycling 3 nights in a row from 9pm – 11pm.. so when is my turn? oh wait… i have to find a cycling buddy!!! leilanie, are you with me ??!!.. zura and sha… all the way from sunway kayangan, perhaps?? :D

another year gone… another year coming…

i say goodbye to 2010, another year gone, which treasured memories of ups and downs, sad and laughter, good and bad… and am grateful the hurdles and happiness i faced throughout the year, gave me strength to move forward…

i welcome 2011, another year coming, with much calmness in mind (… and place those unpleasantness aside...) and with an open heart and mind that this year will be another year to be thankful although i do not know what in store for me… i only hope and wish the best for me, my family, my life and such…

wishing all happy new year and a joyful 2011 ...!!!

the hijrah...

i've been thinking about it a million times.. i guess since last year and just could not find the right time to do it ... 

then... it was on maal hijrah recently, the day... the moment it opens my heart and soul to eventually make it happen... with no pressure...

and... today it is officially and shah was a little surprised to see me this morning... (i did told him but he did not expect it this soon...)

a self-reflection... for a better future and a better year ahead...

when a man loves his women…

is about a man who will not leave the world, till death do us apart… and that was my one and only tok bah and his wives.

tok bah was my maternal grandfather, who had 4 wives, two of them divorced (that include arwah my grandmother), they remarried and had their own families. having 4 grandmothers, it’s no surprise to see how the stems on my family tree continue to grow (referring to my geni.com) and become complex. i have uncles and aunties who are related to me but they are not related to each other, i see all round of close relatives, distance relatives and even relatives who are totally strangers to me.  confusing eh.. well, i’m not going into that. all i know they are related to me.

now.. my grandmothers’ story… my 1st step grandmother passed away long time ago, i cant remember when coz i was not close to her and i didnt attend her funeral (i wonder why.. maybe i was away studying…?? ). followed by my 4th step grandmother in Aug 2009. two months later in Oct 2009, my grandmother (she was his 2nd, ex-wife) passed away and recently in Sept 2010, my 3rd step grandmother.

and now.. as i was told, tok bah started having mild stroke about 10 years ago but became worse 6 years then and bedridden. it was really heart wrenching watching him each time i visited him at his abode. although he cant move and talk, sometimes i see tears falling on his face and i knew he can hear. and despite his condition, he lived long enough, as if to let his wives and ex-wives go before him. 

last tuesday, Nov 30, 2010, tok bah left us at age of 95. as much as i want to remember him, i will not keep the memories of him being sick when he was with us but always be remembered as who he was 30 years ago in his most affectionate manner to his wives, his children and his grandchildren… tok bah, you will be greatly missed… as much as i missed arwah mummy each and every day..

semoga roh arwah tok bah, tok nanny, tok nab, tok aunty, tok saadah dan arwah mummy dicucuri Rahmat and ditempatkan dikalangan orang-orang yang beriman… Al-Fatihah…

my quest ...

is to have a fresh new look for my blog... 

and this is it...

i'm done... 

till i satisfied...

yes... i've been revamping my blog... till i find one that catches my eyes, i'll stay...


for now, the search is still on... :D

new oven...

i dreamt of an oven... :D

at last... i bought one yesterday. just a small one so boleh buat testing testing nak bake... nak bake apa ye?? belum pikir lagi.. semalam hanya try panaskan murtabak yg beli kat pasar malam je... apa daa..

ok maybe nak buat pizza.. or lasagna... or kek... or cupcake...

lets google some recipes then... :D

say what...

looking at my last blog, it was dated aug 19 and today is oct 19.. it's exactly 2 months i've been in idle mode/mood... so many things i wanted to blog but i could not find the words or rather i should say no idea what to write... where to start...

hmmm.... let me think and will try to start one soon... i hope... :D

(see... when my mind not working as it should be, the above was posted in my another shared-blog.. luckily i realised it before any of my shared-blog friends notice it.. or did you all.. ??? hahaha)

alahai kebaya...

when i was young, arwah my mum always bring my sister and i to her favourite tailor in klang whenever aidilfitri comes. ever since, i continue my mom’s "legacy" by visiting this tailoress until couple of years back.

most of the years, i tailor-made my baju kurung or kebaya kurung. then i remembered that i have one kebaya nyonya material, which my good friend gave me. it was kept so long i almost forgot all about it. i thought why not bergaya with kebaya nyonya for raya that year. i was so excited the day i went to collect it. i tried it on in the fitting room and it was… hmmmm i dont like it. it doesnt fit nicely on me. it supposed to be a figure-hugging but no.. i look big. even the front, where we wears it with brooches was sewn with buttons… (which i have to hide/fold the buttons inside so i could wear the brooches). i was dissappointed and there was no time to do alteration, i went home unhappy.

i tried it on again for hubby to look at it and he said i dont look so bad. u know men… sometimes their kata perangsang can make us have second thought.. so i decided to just wearing it. well, it was the first and last i wore it. the kebaya is still hanging in my closet. i dont know if i will wear it again or never and dont know how long i’m going to keep it hanging there… or maybe i’ll wait my conscience to wisely says… ina, just get it altered ok… jgn banyak songeh..

just few days before fasting, there was a kenduri sambut ramadan. i stared my closet, looking for something to wear and saw this kebaya. i took it out from the plastic cover, tried it on and guess what.. i still look big.. (ke pasal i still have baby fats from my recent pregnancy.. hehehe). so i decided to wait my conscience is clear before i can bring it for alteration.

last year i bought a jubah (or is it as it looks like it with batik’s pattern) coz i was pregnant. this year, i’m just going to buy a matching color ready-made baju kurung for my lil princess and myself. of course we have to search for hers first before i can buy for myself, that includes the father and the abangs too. susah nak cari si kenit ni punya coz mostly baju kurung for kids ni besar2 la… (ke si kenit ni petite) but there is one i saw at sp. very cute and nice.. i love it but will continue to search more that has matching color for mother and daughter… kang dah beli, ada pulak yg lagi lawa kannn.

my mission now is to find a good tailor shop around shah alam.. anyone knows??

bye bye TMJ… hellooo KJ…

TMJ… after 10 years, i bid goodbye to you. let me see if i can relate certain love and hate memories of my life with you.. in no particular orders..

• the annoying sounds from the small factories and car workshops…

• lots of crashed cars parked along the road/lane and even at the parking lot.. apa kes!!! dah remuk pun nak parking gak ke..? parking kat scrap center la…

• every day i see mini coupe.. all series of bmw.. all classes of merc.. porsche families… and always wonder when will i be with you…

• very limited food places and have been eating at same place.. same food… and at some point i was so lazy to walk under the sun, i starve myself - not to death – but to the point of losing weight.. hahaha… giler ke apa..!!

• collected almost 20 summons for not displaying parking tickets… well, that area was called SMEs area.. so mana boleh kena bayar parking…

KJ… you are everything.. from food heaven to the convenience i have always wanted. regardless the kilos i'll be adding.. i'm sooo happy...

m.a.l.a.s…

what has come over me??!!!.. i asked myself when this m.a.l.a.s feeling gushed my soul last monday.

i entered my office, slumped on my chair, switched on the computer and just stared in confusion. as time goes by, i was wondering… is it me or the time is slow… coz i saw the clock ticking sooo damn slow.

at 4.30pm, i smsed hubby.

me.. location?..

hubby.. at atria buying adli’s things for his school project tomorrow.. why?

me.. i nak balik.. bosan gaban dah ni…

hubby.. ok.. i’ll be right there..

at 4.45pm, he called. let’s go home..

i switched off the computer and went to my boss. sir, i’m making an early exit… ok… see you tomorrow..

the m.a.l.a.s-ness continued at home. i have to force myself to prepare dinner for hubby and kids.. after dinner, i just lepak depan tv and let hubby settle the dishes and layan the baby.. boleh..???!!! he is such a wonderful man.. (i usually don't do this…) as he is settled, he said to me.. if you continue like this, you’ll be ‘big’ coz you have ‘big’ genes run in your family you know… i knowww…!!!

dear m.a.l.a.s,

please go away… come back another day… but not in this near future ok.. i need to get rid 5 more kilos… thank you.

regards,

m.a.l.a.s victim

finally…

my bundle of joy arrived on Dec 14, 2009. it was a great experience for me after 10 years and having the little one in my arm is much greater...

i was overdue 2 days from my EDD. i decided to have an induction on my EDD but on the morning of that day, my gynae done a checking and found it was still unfavourable, which mean the baby is still far away from the door. she advised i should wait till Dec 14. the next day, there was some 'show' but not contraction. i went back to the medical centre and it was only 1cm opening. so i went home resting.

on Dec 14, i was all prepared for the induction. i arrived at 0830am and was inserted the tablet at 10am. by 1pm, i began to feel the contraction coming at interval of 20 mins. it became stronger by 4pm. at 5pm, the opening was about 3cm and the pain was unbearable at 7 - 5 mins. when the opening was at 5cm, i was brought into the labour room. i was given a pain relief so i could rest and save my energy for the delivery. it made me really drowsy but i can still felt the pain.

when the time came, i thought i had pushed with all my energy and strength but i guess it was just not enough. i was ‘assisted’ and finally at 7.02pm, my little princess came into this world. yes.. it's a girl!!!

she is now 2 weeks old and i'm having fun 'berpantang' with the help from my MIL for a week and with my boys assisting me in everyway they can.. i have another 1 month to go.. huhuhu...

salam aidil fitri...

wishing you

selamat hari raya aidil fitri...

have a great time celebrating this wonderful festival with your loved ones…

from us in shah alam...